Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
