AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
