actually, I'm a sock model
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
