Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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