I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
