i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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