who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
