he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
