I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im holly from the hills drunk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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