sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
