And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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