K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
