so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
