I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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