My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
