just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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