Is it because I queefed?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
