Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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