He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
