loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
