Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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