I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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