Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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