Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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