I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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