you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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