We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
