i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
