I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
