look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
