How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
