youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
