What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
