I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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