My nipple is on Facebook.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
