If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
