my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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