porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
