At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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