He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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