he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
