i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
