i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
nutella sex= disaster
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
