Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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