Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You can't motorboat a personality
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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