i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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