i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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