Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
