Me too!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
