i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
