He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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