Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
