I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
