I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
