I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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