i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
