i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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