Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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