just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
