I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
