sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
