If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
