Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
