Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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