the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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