Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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