You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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